blog of note

Well I will try and encapsulate last night into a few paragraphs. I mc'd at jiggles last night I haven't mc'd in a long time it was nice. Very nice crowd, I have no idea what I'm doing on stage right now which is fine that is what happens when I transition between new sets. I am so used to doing five minutes that I don't build long sets, I just make a new one, or throw out bits to keep myself at five. There was some talent in the house both in the way of good comedians and hot chicks. Hot chicks in the way that club chicks are hot all flash no gash (I have no idea what that means mostly what I'm saying is that they didn't sleep with me) and I don't really like "rave" chicks all fake tanned and knowledgeable about djs.

The mastermind did really well I thought. Other then that I thought I did a passable job at mcing I thought I had some good intros. I talked a lot to the crowd and I chugged beers to their delight (its a gift I have not a good gift). I only watched parts of peoples sets but there were two new guys who went up and were just horrible, but I will pass that off on being very new.

I drank a lot put it on my ever expanding tab that the owner of jiggles is kind enough to give me. I am broke very very broke.

We drank next door and it appears that the porn stars are gone. If so I don't see the point in going there other then 2 dollar pitchers.

The Mastermind, Eric, Duane, and I met up next door and knocked a couple back and some girl and what I thought was a guy that was going to do comedy hung out with us. The girl just wanted to hang out with comedians. This unlike some comedians, I don't have a problem with. I think girls that like comedy and therefore me by proxy are fine with me. Anyway everyone took off except for the girl the guy she was with and Duane. At some point for no apparent reason she writes down this long quote that she loves to me on a piece of paper right after taking a call from her boyfriend. I read it and smiled to her and didn't think anything of it. I tried to leave without it and she hands it to me and it has her phone number on the other side.

Ok none of that is funny but she wrote down her number with 8 digits, was she giving me her social security number? Basically I was the last single comedian at the table that is why this happened, that is it. Witness the power of comedy to some people. We went back to jiggles and we read the note it had all kind of weird drunk misspelling it was very very funny. The problem I threw it away. This morning I woke up and wanted blog that note but I can't. Dammit.

Today is looking up it looks like I may get the new apartment that is way the fuck out north but I'm excited to leave Fernando and the guy who's job it is to hammer on sheet metal with a mallet all day behind. I can't wait to stiff my landlord for rent, aw sweet sweet justice.

Let me tell you something about pork that maybe you didn't know. They call pigs horizontal humans because their anatomy is the exact same as a human. They are trying to harvest pig organs to do direct transplants into humans, see pigs will save the world and they are healthy. Next time you get mad at someone just think that they probably taste like pork and pork is yummy and you will feel better about that person.

God bless pork and god bless you,

The Enforcer

I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

it's hump day so let's hump

I think I found a new place to live, I'm not that stoked about it but I am stoked at how cheap it is. Two bedroom place for less money then I'm paying now...yea. Something funny though I have 50 bucks till payday on the 31st. That means I can't afford to have them do a credit check and I can't tell them I don't have enough money to do that. That sort of looks bad when you do that. If I lose this place because I don't have the 32 bucks I'm going to be pissed.

I am going to go home tonight and sleep hard I am tired tired and more tired. I haven't done comedy since Sunday. I don't plan on doing it until this weekend. When I do I will write all kinds of witty things that are misspelled and grammatically incorrect like I usually do.

Touch this,

The Enforcer

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson