Suicide pie: One mans journey

Well we did the show last night it seemed to go ok. The crowd was huge which was great for Meghan. I thought my set was ok, I've been doing a lot better lately so that didn't really measure up. I think the crowd was with me, but fuck it was ten minutes who cares either way.

I called my old pharmacy they still have my old prescription for happy pills. That is a good thing before I fucking kill myself. I am not dealing well right now, I think I may be having a nervous breakdown. More likely it is just deep depression. This is not a contest or anything but I think this is the most depressed I've ever been. I didn't have any fun at the show last night. I didn't want to hang out with anyone I felt really uncomfortable in the social situation. I had to stop myself from leaving after my set was done. I was so uncomfortable that I thought I was going to flip out. I'm glad no one I invited to show up showed up. My show wasn't my best and I wasn't exactly stoked to talk to anyone after the show. I'm glad I did the show but I'm also glad it's over. Of the comics I watched I thought Geoff Lott and Lizzy had the best sets, again not that it's a contest. Lizzy looked really comfortable more then I have seen her and lo and behold actually looked like she was having fun up there.

We got a whole bunch of new stuff for sketches which is kick ass. Hax is going to keep getting better and better and...

I wanted to drink last night to get out of my head, the fact that I didn't is a miracle. I knew it would help and I definitely considered it. I'm afraid of what is going to happen to me if I can't get some relief from the flat emotionless uncomfortable feeling I have 24 hours a day. Well I'm in the midst of taking care of it I hope I can move on to enjoying what is a truly great time in my life.

Yours in Melancholy,

The Enforcer

"Is it good juggling?"

Happy Labor Day Weekend, now get to work!

I don't know about the rest of you but I had a pretty nice weekend. Friday I worked with Tracy and Geoff at Choi's Mongolian grill on next weeks show, then went to Laughs. Then I slept for 11 hours. Pretty sweet.

Saturday I had one of my favorite moments in Comedy. I went to do time at Giggles in front of Keith Stubbs I had fun, the first show I had some liquid methamphetimine in me and for the first time it kind of freaked me out. I was literally shaking before I went up. I have not had one since, although I have been pretty addicted to them for awhile. Thank you Killorn for another bad habit to add to the repetoire. Right before the second show started Marc Maron walked into Giggles with Mishna his beautiful very cool wife (who talked metal with me- I am a little in love) and hung out. Mishna went up and was very funny then it was my turn. I have to admit I was a little nervous because it's Marc Maron who's one of my fucking heros watching me. I had a set that I was proud of definitely the best of that night(meaning best set I had). Marc came out after my set came up to me told me I was funny then gave me a tag for one of my jokes.

That fucking rules.

I was floating for the rest of the night. For the love of god if I can ever get to a level that I have that effect on other comics I will feel satisfied.

Thank you Mr. Maron.

Speaking of which I have to go to Mishna's blog cause I told her I would talk some more metal with her. She dragged Marc to an Iron Maiden show btw. Ok this is why I fucking hate life why is this woman with someone else it always seems the very few really fucking cool women I meet are fucking married.

Sunday we filmed for Hax for 9 freakin hours. I was so exhausted by the time we were done. This is going to be a great bit though. I am so freakin excited about the show right now, so even though it took forever it was worth it. We did the skit with Tony Moser and Killorn who were so great about the whole thing. Tony has the patience of a saint we put that guy through hell. We trashed Killorn's house. Killorn was wonderful about the whole thing and very funny on the tape. I think this is going to be one of our best skits to date. I can't wait to see the finished product.

Well I am about to call the doctor and set up an appointment to deal with my myriad of medical conditions. Pinched nerve in my back which has been driving me to fucking suicidal thoughts as of late. The weird skin condition I have all over my body and the massive depression from my constant physical pain and weird skin problems oh and complete lack of exercise. I have to get my depression taken care of I have no sex drive I am lethargic 24 hours a day and did I mention I have no sex drive. I am starting to worry about ever feeling normal again. It seems that this is the worst bout of depression I've ever had. The main problem with it being that I don't have anything in my life going on that is really bothering me a great deal but I am dealing with this dibilitating depression. Truthfully right now and probably for the rest of the day and night I would rather sleep then get laid. I want to start exercising, but until I get rid of this lethargy I wont' have the ambition. I can barely take care of my apartment much less exercise. I tried to do some exercise yesterday. I did two situps then sat back down and said fuck it. That is fucking depressing.

I am sad,

The Enforcer
"Is it good juggling?"