I'm going to jiggles tonight. I have a tab that I am not going to add to there. I have some new stuff to try out, but I will probably go to the familiar cause they are far from being close to finished or funny for that matter. I have started to allow myself to dream for the first time in years. First thing I dream about is getting out of debt to creditors and friends. I will go with friends first then work my way towards creditors. Once I get out of this mess I will be free to do whatever I want. I am not *THAT* in debt a total of about 5 thousand, but unless I start now I will never get out of it. I am going to put together my best current set and try to kick ass in the upcoming jiggles comedy competition. I think contests are just stupid and a waste of time but I want to do as well in it as possible. This makes me hypocritical but it also allows me to hone my act and do the same set every day for a week. I want to kick ass but really I just want a crowd. I like comedy and Pork.

Rock on,

The Enforcer

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

I went and saw ROTK last night for the third time. My buddy hadn't seen it and his wife is out of town for 2 weeks. See he can only go out and do things when his wife is out of town, cause he is a pussy. She is quite possibly the biggest cunt I have ever met in my life. I think at this point he doesn't go out because if he did he would have to invite her and I think he realizes what a cunt she is. I hate the fact that he feels that when he gets two weeks away from his wife that I should drop everything and go hang out with him. Listen asshole go out the rest of the year. Just cause you get to go out doesn't mean I am dropping anything to help your dysfunction. I don't understand this kind of shit. Well here's to the fact that I'm not him cheers!

I blew a night off of comedy to hang with pussy boy.

Hugs,

The Enforcer




"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

it is after three and so far thank god our new website launch has gone pretty smoothly I don't want to jinx myself but so far so good. It is nice outside and so I have started to think about summer which is the most non-suicide inducing time in Seattle. I brought my skateboard into work today. I am 33 and I started riding a board about 1.5 years ago after a 14 year lay off. I broke my ribs twice the first summer I skated again. I fell each time in my driveway like a tard. I broke it in the same place each time as well. I figure though that now that I have dropped a bunch of weight maybe if I fall I won't get AS hurt. Skating is a very cathartic thing for me, I hate to fall but there is something about skating that is thrilling and I don't think I ever want to give it up.

I am down to 196 which has to be the lightest I have been since my early twenties, I am so happy I feel so much better. Plus my dick looks much bigger.


Hugs and Kisses,

Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

I did no comedy last night unless you count my performance in the sack.

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

I don't know why I am addressing last nights open mic because in all honesty nothing of any import happened. Mastermind tried to burn as many comics as possible in as short a time as possible. I don't really get it, I didn't find it that funny but I guess he was just being honest. Not sure why but hey it's his deal. I don't really think it was a big deal and he's not trying to make friends obviously so no harm no foul. The whole thing wasn't a big deal and doesn't matter anyway. I think the whole mentality of this comedy scene is very funny, but I don't want to be part of it. I just want to do my thing I could give a flying shit about any of the rumors innuendo, cloak and dagger politics of it; it isn't even that interesting.

I didn't like what I was doing on stage last night I need to re-focus on my shit cause I think I have started some new bad habits. I had fun sitting in the back cracking jokes with other comics that is my favorite part of the UNDERPANTS Monday open mic experience. I thought as Monday open mics go it was no more awful then most and better then some. Oh wait there is something funny about last night. The comics that Mastermind shit on came up to him to talk afterwards seeking approval proving that comics truly are needy needy people.

Did I learn anything last night? No.

I saw Dan Moore last night who I like a great deal I got to bullshit with him for awhile which was nice. He bought me a couple of beers (whoever has money buys). Dan is a cool cat. I had fun last night sitting in the back with the comics which is only the second time in the last 8 months I have been able to do that. I normally have to get up and go hide every time a shitty comic goes up. I have learned to hang out though and just make fun of people which is very satisfying. Jeremy Greenjeans was MC last night he forgot his punchlines at home and was very dirty which surprised me. No one really stood out although I thought Geoff Lott and Chad were both funny. I also liked what I saw from Safecracker she got out of her shell a little bit and I think that is the right direction for her. It's time for safecracker to cut a hole in the bubble and breathe the fresh air hallefuckinglu. Accountant had a new joke that was very funny and as I have said in the past I think he rights good jokes very good jokes. For what it's worth he is also a sharp dresser in a wiseguy kind of way. I want to fuck him.

Hugs and Kisses,

The Enforcer

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Report on the open mic for Sunday the 18th of January. None of the mafia went up except me because the crowd left after my set (hopefully not my fault) they were all there to see the comic that went up before me. They didn't want to go up for 8 people which I agree with. I don't feel there is any reason to go up in front of 8 people anymore. You can't take away anything from it. If they laugh or don't laugh it isn't a barometer of anything. I don't want to go up in front of empty rooms anymore. It is stage time, but it is useless stage time. I am so addicted to going up though that is easier said then done.

Here was what (from what I could tell) was wrong with what I did last night. I rushed through my jokes and I didn't relax. I lost the crowd and I shouldn't have. I am not sure why I rushed though my shit like I did but it is a learning experience and it will make me better. I feel like I am starting to nail it on stage I don't know why the last few times I have gone on stage I have fucked up like I have.

A comic told me that my COPS bit is close to a david spade joke. Which makes sense it's not like COPS hasn't been done to death, I would be surprised if I had actually come up with an original take on that hack premise. Later cops joke (which I like btw) I will miss you.

Hugs and Kisses,

The Enforcer

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

It is Monday I didn't blog anything all weekend. My weekend was a monumental piece of shit. I worked at the Nine Pound Hammer cause I needed money (I work the door). I went home at 2:30 on Friday and laid around all day Saturday I was just exhausted the next day. Saturday night Scott tried to kill me with booze we drank after hours until like I don't know what time. I woke up Sunday at 3 which completely fucked up my day. I did some errands and then it was dark what a shitty day.

Well on to comedy because of work I didn't do any comedy on Friday or Saturday. Last night I did an open mic. Daniel Tosh was in town who is extremely funny I was very impressed at what I heard at the open mic and I heard he was awesome the whole weekend. I was not very happy with my set, I rushed a little and feel like I took a few steps backwards. That said I am not worried about it I am just going to relax and learn from my mistakes.

I like pork

Love,

The Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson