I'm listening to music now that the phones have finally slowed down. Right now I'm listening to pinhead circus' live album it's ok, pretty good stuff. I have a date tonight but I so want to do comedy I am on an up and need to get out work on some shit while I'm up before I come crashing down. I want to have sex but damned if comedy isn't calling like a big breasted siren right now. I have three new bits to work on dammit, pussy can wait.

Love,

The Enforcer




"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Holy shit today sucks bad real bad. I have taken seemingly 100 phone calls I can't get off the goddamn phone. I am about as tired as I can be and these fuckers want to talk for ever while I have other people on hold. "Hey well what about this scenario and what about..." shut up leave me alone I don't care right now I want sleep I don't care about your internet radio show that no one gives a shit about. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I want to go lay down on the couch over there and sleep for about an hour. This is so far like the busiest day of the week. The problem is that these fuckers are chatty and the phone is ringing off the damn hook .....fucking call a psychic hotline if you want to chat.

I have to go make a car payment that is extremely late today I hate that.


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Well here I sit with no sleep again. I am a pathetic pathetic man. I am too willing to say that I'll pay later for fun now.

I did one show I wasn't able to do the second show at pegasus. The crowd at pegasus was good and would have been fun. I am a little disappointed with my performance last night I think I took a little step back. I think that I was a little off because I was doing a new bit in the middle. The nice thing is that the new bit did the best of any of my stuff which makes my tits hard.

So back to pork I have some loin chops in my freezer I think I have a date with a loin chop tonight oh yeah yummy.

Pegasus had Joe Vespaziani last night whom I hadn't seen before he is a very very good comic I was extremely impressed. He is also a very nice guy which follows the trend which is the worse the headliner the bigger the prick(male or female) they are.

I got home last night I was so tired I couldn't even maintain a boner when I tried to beat off I need some sleep.


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

I am leaving for the day, man I am burnt out I was busy today and for the second straight day I was working without much sleep. Oh well it's ok I made it through and I was productive so screw it. I am going to do the comedy underground and Pegasus tonight. I want those fuckers in Kirkland to feel the sting of my comedy whip.

Hugs and Kisses,

The Enforcer

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

To my friends this will come as no big surprise but I am very flakey. I have started thinking about getting out of debt and trying to learn a trade that I can do anywhere. I have narrowed down my choices to two things either teacher (the family business) which will require three years of school most likely. It doesn't pay well but there is a lot of time off that coincides with my daughters time off. My other idea is to learn to work on cars. This fills two needs first is the desire to have a trade I can get a job with anywhere. Second the need to feel like more of a man. I didn't grow up with a dad and I don't know how to fix shit. I am not even sure that I would want to fix cars for a living, but for some reason it fills my need to do something blue coller which is a more natural fit for me. Everyone in my family for the most part is college educated and successful in their own way. I don't think I would be looked down on, but blue collar was never the goal in my family. I am very excited about the possibility of learning to work on cars or weld or something like that even though I have a job that pays really well and I don't have to work hard at it. I use my brain for a living yet it isn't satifying for some reason. I think I was more happy driving a truck which depressed me at the time because it wasn't a career and it didn't pay shit and I felt like a failure but now I just don't give a shit. I am making blue collar jobs more romantic in my head when in actuallity it isn't and it is simply the grass being greener. When I had truck driving jobs I hated them and wanted to do what I'm doing now and of course now I want to do them again. I am stupid. When I'm honest I realize that it is simply the fact that I hate work and can think of a million better things to do with my time. Heres hoping comedy will end up my job at some point because it is the only job I can see myself liking.

Rock on,

The Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Good morning. Well I went out last night and my attempts to clean up my life have been put on hold a little. I decided this week that I was bored with going out and drinking and that I would drink maybe once or twice a week, get out of debt and take control of my life. Well I drank until two last night much like the night before. I will say this I am trying to drink less and I will suceed I hope. I decided yesterday to make a date with my couch and I fell asleep as soon as I got home. However that ole whore comedy started beckoning me, next thing I know I'm sitting in a car at 2 AM being asked by the Mastermind if I'm ok to drive. You know what is amazing to me. Last night I had a total of 7 beers all night and I was happy that I cut back so much. I was sober when I went home. How bad a drinker do you have to be to be proud of cutting back to only 7 beers a night.

Ok back to Pork which is now my favorite meat. See pork is cool cause it makes up several of my favorite things such as sausage, bacon, pork chops, and ham. That is the fantastic four right there.

I am bored with the atkins diet right now, I have gotten lazy and I haven't been cooking as much interesting shit so I am just having the same thing every night. I have become a bit better at cooking in fact a lot better at cooking. I got a foreman grill for christmas which has ruined everything because I have stopped cooking interesting shit cause it's so fast. I have to go back to cooking food with the oven and stovetop. I went from cooking chicken with Bernaise to dinners that I cook in a total of five minutes. I haven't eaten out in months I make dinner every night I need to take back my kitchen and start cooking some good stuff again.

I still however buy lunch which is stupid, so that is the next thing I will start making. I am excited about 2004 this is my year I feel it. My comedy has arrived I think and I am going to start killing it this I see a lot of chicks, laughter, and sobriety in 2004 hmmm well any of the three will suffice.




"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

I wanted to comment on something that happened last night. I was talking to Peter Gre** after the show and I told him that he is too nice for comedy. He didn't know how to take it so I backed off and I told him that he is a nice guy and its a compliment but.....what I should have said is "yes you need to stop being the nice everyone in comedy get along guy" that is going to bring you grief. I personally really like Peter but he has to get some edge. He is a cauldron of pissed off but he hides behind a smile. He hates his ex who fucked him over, but he is watching her cats while she goes on vacation with her new guy. What the fuck! That guy just needs to let it out, punch something, tear his clothes off and scream WHORE until the cops come. He should just scream out his window "You fucking whore you ruined my life now do you like little Petey I hope you burn in hell you fucking cunt". Then drink yourself so drunk you wake up with the music cranked at noon the next day laying naked on the floor in front of a repeating porno on your TV. Go out punch the next guy who fucks with you then find some stupid chick, hate fuck her with your ex's picture taped to her face. Leave before she wakes just be an asshole for a week so you don't end up exploding and taking out a bunch of people when you finally lose it. It IS healthy to be upset with people. She is a cunt for asking you to watch her cats so she can fuck her new guy in the place that she and Peter went 5 times together (can you believe that shit) so tell her "no I am not watching your cats, cunt..." slam. Instead of that he lets her push him around again, she doesn't respect him or she wouldn't have asked. He got to borrow her car while she's gone well dude go crash into something, set it on fire and drop it over a cliff and report it stolen I'll drive the get away car. YOU need to stand up for yourself or women are going to use you and call you a pussy behind your back. Women don't want a pussy they want someone who is an equal, a fucking man who doesn't ask whether he can he just does, he doesn't ask if can touch the boobie he just does it. DON'T BE A PUSSY KILL HER CATS AND CRASH HER CAR it's time Peter to do something that shows your real feelings. Peter grow a couple balls and let us welcome you to the fold of men.

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Well I went to the trainwreck of comedy (Monday at Comedy Underground)last night. I actually sat there and watched the whole thing for the first time since the first month I did comedy. Was it hard you ask, at times yes, but not nearly as difficult as I thought it was going to be. I have a special relationship with the ice maker back by the bathrooms, where I spend most of the show normally. I actually sat and watched comedy I haven't done that in a long time. I mostly made fun of comics' clothes it's my defense mechanism.

How was my performance the imaginary voice asks (wow imaginary voice you are chatty this morning)? Hmmm I thought it was ok nothing incredible I have gotten to a certain level of consistency so I got laughs but I stumbled a little towards the end of my set. Safecracker and I talked about a bit yesterday that I wanted to do but I blew it and didn't do the joke. I will do it on Wednesday though. Otherwise I have a couple new bits that are working better then anything else right now which makes me feel like a proud pop. I haven't beat off in like a week is that weird? No, but it is weird to me. The weird part is that I haven't even thought about it maybe I'm happy or something maybe I slap it around cause I am missing something inside and I am fulfilled right now. Maybe the hole that beatin my meat filled is filled with other things more important things like love, happiness, complacency, boredom, hopelessness, alcoholism, impotence, who knows.

I thought the MC was good, I thought is initial stand up was weak but he was very funny as an MC. Mastermind went up and did some stuff he wrote that day it didn't go well but all things considered it went pretty well. The fact that he feels comfortable talking like that on stage is good and will only bode well for him down the line. I ate sausage this weekend with some eggs and man was it yummy. The last time I bought sausage it was all greasy and I couldn't eat it but this kind wasn't greasy at all just filled with pork goodness. I am really hungry right now hence that last comment. I am alone at work today and can't go get breakfast and I am soooo very very hungry.

Who sucked well most of the comics sucked but some stood out. I don't know why I should mention anyone but I have to. LD has an amazing ability to make me leave a room to piss even if I don't have to piss. My bladder just sends a false alarm so i am forced to leave the room when she is on stage my body is like that creature in the Thing it just starts protecting itself. . I don't know her well but I haven't heard good things and I've seen her act. Lets see I saw two new girls go up one who has bleached blond hair (don't know her name) thinks she is cute as a button. She is cute as a button but that is not an act if so Meg Ryan would be a stand up comic and not the star of movies I fucking hate. I am not putting her down I'm just sayin'. A
nother new comic named Killorin (something like that) went up and was generally pretty fucking good for having done it twice. Heneghen went up and Chad and I noted that we had both never seen him do badly on stage which is pretty amazing. He has some pretty clever jokes mixed in with the fucks. Megan and Michelle were both funny I think they both write great jokes. Well I can't remember anything else, but if anyone who reads this (I am the only one) if you remind me I will throw sumpin sumpin up.

in summary I sat through an open mic (without drinking I might add), I had some good sausage this weekend, and I have evolved into a being that doesn't need to touch himself anymore (one day at a time).

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Well it's Monday I had a great weekend, I got my daughter by surprise and so her and I kicked it. Her mom came and got her on Saturday so I could do a little time. I did two shows that night at Giggles. I feel like my set is coming together right now and it went over really well I thought. My new stuff is working which nice, it makes it a lot more fun. It is always more fun to do new stuff. I played basketball for 4 hours yesterday I have come to the conclusion that if you don't exercise regularily it is probably not a good idea to play basketball full court for 3 hours plus without taking a break. I am quite sore. I kept checking to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack. About twenty minutes after I got done playing my heart rate was still in the hundreds, I am not sure that's healthy. I could be my constant drinking and smoking that is causing it I prefer to think that Basketball is unhealthy and maybe I should back on THAT. Last night I went to an open mic that was actually pretty good I was surprised any crowd stayed around for me which was at the end of the night. I think it was one of the best deliveries I have ever had. I am really excited about my shit but I have room for a lot of improvement and I am hungry to improve. I am on an up (I tend to manic depressive when it comes to comedy) so I need to take advantage of it and write and work as often as I can right now. Then when I am back down again and in a rut I will have a lot of material to work with. Peter Johnson continued to wow crowds, he went up with pee in his pants did one bit and got off. Genius pure unadulterated genius.

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson