Alcohol make me no talk good

I went out with the Mastermind last night to Giggles. I drank too much. Which if you have ever read this is an ongoing problem I have. I didn't eat anything and was drunk pretty fast I tried to go on stage and improvise and I just couldn't get words out. I stared at the crowd several times unable to form words, oh man. I like the direction that my new stuff will take when I am not drunk though. I wish I could do comedy this weekend. The laugh off is going this weekend. I didn't get in I was beaten out for fifth place so I have to take a weekend off. I would like time at either Giggles or Laughs but no deal, cause they are both hosting the contest. I ain't going to the underground to do time on the weekend so screw it. They have some stinky comedy down there this weekend. Tina Kim and Chris Alpine. I've seen funnier seal beatings then what is going on there this weekend.

I started reading my blogs recently and I realized that I sound like an ego maniac. That is so cool just like me god dammit I am so rad and fucking hung like a horse well a horse with a big cock that is. I have been told that I am one of the most talented men outside of Rocco Siffredi when it comes to the ladies also. I should probably get paid for my "art" as they call it. God everyone tip your hat to me I rule.




"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Thursday is not hump day

I haven't done any comedy this week and I feel good. I have been doing some butt tapping instead and I like that too. Tonight I am going to some comedy and I can't wait. I have some new stuff I'm working on and I can't wait to do it in front of a crowd at Giggles (I hope there's a crowd).

I have been tired this whole week I think I have MONO or something. I don't think the contest tired me out that much. I am kind of bummed I am not in the contest this weekend because some friends of mine are in it and I like hanging out with them.

I am down to 192 which is awesome I am 2 pounds from my goal. So to celebrate I have been eating donuts.

I saw the movie called wonderland last night which is the story of John C. Holmes or Johnny Wadd as I call him, the legendary Porn star basehead and piece of shit who is considered along with that airline steward to be the largest spreader of aids in american history. The movie is about his role in the Wonderland killings in California in 1981. It stars Val Kilmer it is an ok movie another movie full of people who do drugs constantly and the pitfalls of doing that. It is an interesting movie, and I was surprised to learn that people in the adult industry don't always have their shit together...who knew?

I have thought about going into the adult business like every 14 year old boy who can't get laid thinks about at one given time while feverishly beating his meat to one of his first experiences with some anonymous filth. I'm glad I chose to work at food giant after high school graduation instead.

Have you ever heard the sounds that come from peep booths at an adult store that is some funny shit. Oh yeah uh yeah FUUCK YEAH. My favorite is when you hear the guy in the booth down from you adding his own commentary talking to the screen. Hey guy just beat off in silence like I'm doing ok, I don't need your commentary to realize that beating off in a booth is a humiliating experience.

Hugs and Booths,

The Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

LISTEN UP

I want to make something clear crystal clear. My opinion is my own and I like pork.
Camaros are cool,

The Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

I am horny

I just posted but I feel communicative today.

I have been extremely horny for awhile, cause I haven't had sex. When I have sex regularly I get ambivalent. Not so much anymore now I'm more like desperate. I have been having hard-ons that can only be cured by being beaten into submission if you know what I mean.

I called some girls that I know yesterday and got nothing. See you can't be a dick and never call back without having them take revenge on you. Personally I say good for them, now so you know I have been honest with them but a couple called lately and I haven't called back which is a dickesh thing to do. I just didn't want to have to say I don't want hang out cause it had nothing to do with any of them I just wanted to sit at home or go out and do comedy. Now I have nothing and no one is calling me back I get what I deserve.



"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

The courtship of Sophie's father

I had an odd night last night. I was so exhausted yesterday that I could barely think. I haven't been that way in a long long time. I got my daughter at 10 and kept her until her mom picked her up this morning at 11. Here is what I love about this, I watched my daughter because my ex had to go see her probation officer, that is so fucking funny I can't believe it. That bitch made me miserable for years I just love that she has to drive across the state and see a probation officer. I still see her honking and laughing at me when she sued me on my birthday. "I have to see my probation officer that I have to see cause I fucked with you one too many times, can you watch our daughter" NANANANANANA

Goddammit thats funny.

Started off this morning with a little bit of breakfast , eggs mixed with several vegetables and my old friend pork sausage. Just two sausages to spice things up a bit. I can now accomplish anything.

I am going to go do comedy tomorrow twice. Once at the underground once at pegasus, all new all rockin. I hope there are girls about cause I like girls and dammit they are all I can think about right now.

Touch my boobies,

The Enforcer



"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Hey Shitface

I am listening to a band that most would call obnoxious. It is a mix of pop punk and snotty punk. Not the most lovely stuff. I like it though its a guilty pleasure. The songs aren't about chicks they are mostly about the other kids at high school cause this band was 16 when they wrote the album. Most songs have choruses like "Hey Shitface". The band is Osker truly obnoxious but sometimes you have to get your hidden skeletons out of the closet and for the world to see. Now I'm listening to Paint it Black which is the new project for Dan Yemin of the legendary Philadelphia hard core bands Lifetime he then went on from there to form Kid Dynamite who along with Lifetime are two of favorite bands of all time. I love Dan Yemin he has gone on to do cool things everytime out and he has a P.H.D. His new band is true to Hardcore reminding me of D.C. hardcore like Minor Threat and not like new metal hardcore like All Out War or Hatebreed or the multitude (almost all of them actually) that sound more like Pantera then hardcore. Hey this is just my opinion.

I wish comedy was like rock and roll. It is as far away as it can be though. You go to any shitty local music show in Seattle and it's packed with people. The band just sucks ass but there is a big ole crowd. What the fuck? We can't get people to come and watch us at all.

Rock on,

The Enforcer Shitface


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

First rule of Comedy Mafia

A disturbing thing happened over the weekend, I overheard many comments from local comics about the mafia and our blogs. I don't know who has been talking but this was never intended for people to read, it is just my personal take on shit, but if people are reading it then know this I ain't changing anything. I will be more truthful now I am not changing anything. I got called the enforcer over the weekend by a comic, this was weird. What the fuck do I have to start worrying about punctuation and grammar.

I was in a contest over the weekend.

I had my daughter on Sunday and we made cookies, that was pretty awesome. I ate like 8 of the cookies. I had no idea how good sugar cookies were until I hadn't eaten one in a very long time. I have been on Atkins and sugar ain't part of it. Oh man sugar is tasty oh so tasty. You know what else is tasty. I went for the trifecta this weekend Linguica Saturday morning, sausages and egg scramble on Sunday. This was all followed by a pork chop on Sunday night. That is a goddamned hat trick people. Them horizontal humans are tasty buggers.

I have gone up 10 times in the last 7 days and I am burned out. I am having fun but man I am physically burned out. I thought it was hard to watch comedy before man I can't watch it at all anymore. I went up 6 times from Friday until last night. Last night was unnecessary I don't know why I went up at all.

I am going to take the next couple of days off and relax. Try to get some sleep and enjoy quiet solitude. I am going to go up on Wednesday then Thursday and take next weekend off. I want to hang out with some chickidys though and I have grown accustomed to doing that through comedy. I will have to come up with some kind of alternative.

The following is a quote from Paris Hilton god what a pain in the ass this chick is.

"I went to this pet store and bought a baby goat, a ferret, and this one animal that was like a half monkey, half raccoon," she tells to the mag. "They were like, 'This isn't a traveling circus. You're not bringing a goat on the plane.' So I ended up having to drive back to L.A. in a limo all by myself for six hours with the animals." But since she paid for the animals, we're guessing they were nice to her, though probably not so nice to the interior of the limo.

This is a pet peeve of mine. When women say "hello" before a sentence. That ain't funny ok knock that shit off. Hello live in the now ladies.

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson