The Go Club? Stop.

Well first night of the competition is over and I did it! I didn't care about it, I thought I would break down and want to know my score. After about an hour on the road I realized it was gone, all the desire to know how I was doing was gone. Now I am going to have some fun this weekend cause I don't give a shit how I do. It is one thing to say "I don't care" it is a different thing to actually not care, and I thought I was going to care.

Well how did I do uh... shitty. I worked really hard up there and they didn't like me, so without thinking I said "I don't fucking like you guys either, but lets continue". This not the way to score points in a contest. That is however the point where I realized that I didn't care. I am happy that I addressed the fact that they weren't giving me the love I wanted. I have no idea why my shit wasn't working and I normally don't like to talk to crowds that way. I thought my delivery was good, although it is hard to get momentum when people are staring at you. Last night was just weird I thought I was going to light em up and I think I had the right energy and then nothing. On a good note while I was pacing (I'm a pacer before going up and occasionally a shitter) backstage three girls went by and gave me the smile so now I get to picture them in schoolgirl outfits, and pretend that they would be willing to have sex with me.

I have no idea what happened last night I have never delivered that set and not had it go over well. I hope it's an anomoly cause I have two shows tonight. I am going to kick some ass do a half gainer into the crowd while simutaneously masturbating feverishly and blowing my load on the stage. Wow that last comment was weird. I will fucking kill this weekend and that is all I care about. That is what I thought going to do last night however and um....listen Go Club fuck off ok, I won't let you make me cry again.

This weekend is about pissing on electric fences, jumping rope on a razor blade, crapping in a bums mouth, flipping off gang bangers, just leaping, taking chances goddammit and I don't give a SHIT about contests hallefuckinglu.

Touch my balls Go Club,

The Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Linguica I barely knew ya

Oh happy salad. Snappy salad trip trappy baked honey baked too tired to cook happy salad. Oh good the drugs are kicking in.

I got a sliver in my finger that is like a quarter of an inch long it hurts I got it opening a bathroom door at the comedy club last night. What shitholes comedy clubs are.

I went over my set with GLOTT then went and did it, it went ok I need to bring a better set I know that. I did ok the crowd was with me but I lost them at the beginning with my attempt at a new opener that sucked the pipe. I feel good overall and feel like I can bring the heat when called upon. Tonight is the first night of the competition I am looking forward to it. I ain't taking it seriously just want to go out and have some fun. I plan to kick some ass and take some phone numbers (yeah right). I just want to have a couple of beers and unprotected anal sex with a young nubile girl of my choosing is that so wrong? I went to pegs for a little while and saw MWW (a comic) and decided that if I knew I was going to end up like that dude I will just quit now. I don't think I'm getting down reds pants anytime soon, it just ain't in the cards. I talked to her last night after she blew me off with what I still think was a bullshit stock line that every man woman and child has used at one time or another. She says it happened and her friend backed her up (whatever) anyhoo we talked for a little while and I decided that I will not pursue her any more if she wants a little of the force then she can come to me. I won't lie to you though I don't know what it is about her but I want her badly, if only to just touch the boobies that would be great.

Another morning with linguica and eggs, man not too bad not too bad at all. I feel with a breakfast like that I can accomplish anything and I'm smarter. See not only is pork good for you and yummy but it makes you smarter. I have also heard that it makes your cock 3 inches bigger oh boy I'm a hopin.

Rock you like a hurricane,

The Enforcer

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Long time no see

Holy smokes I haven't blogged in awhile, oh how I missed you all. I know my fans my many fans read this in anticipation to see what their demigod has said what jewels of wisdom I bequeth upon thee. Ok well how bout' this if you are cooking something don't forget about it and fall asleep on the couch because you will wake up to a smokey house. I learned this last night the hard way. Right now while I sit at work every window in my house is open trying still to air my place out. There are bits of eggs all over my kitchen where they exploded. Not a good idea to boil eggs for 2 hours. See you read this you LEARN things, things you don't get from other blogs.

Pork update 2004 tried some Portugese sausage (linguica) with my breakfast yesterday and I am happy to report that pork has again not let me down oh yeah yummy. Hey meat industry news flash last time I checked no Mad Pig disease. Me and the rest of the people in the Pork scene are happy thank you very much. We'll happily live out our lives filling our selves with many delicious cuts of pork and pork related products.

Tomorrow is the Jiggles Laugh off 2004's first night in Olympia. Hopefully I'll be able to bring the heat. It's a contest so truthfully I don't care I just want to know that I did what I came to do the rest will take care of itself. I will work out my five minute set tonight with some comics I have hand picked to help me only the elite to work on this very special project.

I got blown off by a 23 year old girl last night because her friend was having problems. See at 23 you think that I haven't heard that particular one before. I'm fricking 33 that is as old as dating itself. I will not call her again it is in her ball park. Hey news flash I like women note the plural on that. I ain't into this to get married I just want to have sex eat pork and live my life.

I fucking win chicks you don't have any control over me. Hallefuckingluyah! Holy christ. Line em up and pass the bacon.

Hugs and Kisses,

The muthfuckin Enforcer

"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson