do I need to blow anyone?

Ok here is the real story. I walk into their offices and I'm not the only one in the cattle call. I start panicking a little cause I need this bad. I go in the office to do my deal and I just did what came natural I grabbed the cock to the right and the one to the left I just blew them like it was the last dick on earth. I said listen anything goes except broken glass and the rest of the team joined I get pounded hard in all my orifices. Oh man I haven't done something crazy like this since last months rent was due. I'm tired and need a nap and some ointment.

I heart T.V.,

The Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Apparently you are looking for me or my friends.

i have no basis as to what to compare that audition against but do they normally base all their questions around drinking? What's your favorite drinking story, what do you drink, Where do you drink? Then they asked me if I have been caught beating off I felt like I was in an interview inside my mind. I don't know nor care how I did but man I hope they lob meatballs across the plate like that at my next audition.

Yes I'm a drunk who has been caught beating off before.

Thank you good night,

The Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Does this job come with Ray Bans?

I went home yesterday early cause I was sick. I just didnt' feel like sitting at work with snot running out of my nose at an alarming rate. Plus I just felt run down and crappy with a capital k.

I went home and slept for 16 hours. I feel better.

I got home at 1 went to bed slept till 9 watched City of lost children and ate about two pounds of meat. I then took a Xanax at 12 and went back to bed and slept till 8:15. I feel pretty good though. I am thinking about doing comedy tonight but I think that I may just pass.

My audition is today for a TV show apparently. I'm just guessing this is a big ruse to get me down there to serve a warrant for my arrest. I will blog after the audition should be interesting I'm hoping to get a good story out of it. I was sitting there on the ride into work today thinking about ridiculous the whole thing is. Comedy in the last year has given me some tremendous stories and made my life at least interesting. I love the fact that I am leaving for a tv show audition for a show I will never be on. I thought what if I got it. That would be completely ridiculous. Either way it doesn't matter so I will go have some fun crack a few jokes see if I can score some free coffee out of the deal and be on my way.

Touch my Force,

The Enforcer







"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

I won't forget any of the people the little people

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my comedy start. I set up my audition for the television show what ever it is. I'm a little worried it could be a sitcom or Fear Factor and I ain't jumping out of an airplane. What a weird deal the whole thing is. I am not going to get it (the part) but hell it can't hurt to have a talent agency know who I am.

I'm just in this for the pussy and fame so I'm on my way whoo weee.

I am so f-ing tired today and I have a cold. Today sucks and I'm not doing any comedy tonight I am just going to relax get some sleep.

I got the movie proof of life which is a Russel Crowe movie which I love. I am all excited to watch a little action tonight touch myself innappropriately quite a few times and sleep for ten hours. I have some stuffed flank steak at home waiting for me it ain't pork but it'll do in a pinch. I hung out with a girlie friend of mine who asked me (after I told her I didn't want a relationship last week) for a committed relationship....huh how many times are we going to go through this. I like her but I like being single very very single. Again nothing to do with her she's sweet and nice and all that I just like not having conversations like I had last night. I don't want to hurt anyone I just want to hang out have sex watch a movie hang out enjoy a nice merlot (or shot of everclear) and NOT HAVE FUCKING CONVERSATIONS ABOUT COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS.

I'm black and I'm proud,

The Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Harvey Drunkenstein? Hi good to see you again.

The best laid plans of mice and men were laid to waste by Miller Lite. First I got bumped again from the shit fest that is the Underpants Monday spooktacular. Fuck you underpants. I don't need your monday or your tuesday or your Sunday you can take most of the week and shove it up your ass. Oh I love you just kidding baby come back THWAP! Why you make me hit you baby huh why you do that I love you don't leave.

I'm seriously considering never coming to another open mic there again. I am sick of getting bumped I can go up any night there why do it. Thanks Carl you better make sure you put the homeless guy up who bummed a cigarette from me (true fucking story)he needs to work out his material. I get bumped every other week. I understand the system and I understand the rules. What I don't understand is why you put the homeless guy who is as funny as the blood on the end of a baseball bat up. What do you gain from that? Do you build crowds..no. Do you build good comedians...no. Do you piss comics off that actually come to your club on regular basis..yes. If I hear "but you are on the lineup next week guaranteed" I'm going to throw up a hair ball. Oh jesus thank you for putting me up in the 3 minute corn filled shitstorm that is Monday.

I ended up having a lot of fun. I got drunk with the Mastermind and talked to brown tooth with him. She's really hot for a retarded girl. I had a lot of fun I laughed a whole hell of a lot harder then I would have had I actually been downstairs thank you Underpants.

Very weird thing happened last night, a guy comes up to me and says are you (says my name). I said yeah and he said we have been trying to reach you about an audition for a tv show we have coming up. He then says somone tried reaching me today and asks me for my phone number again, I give it to him thinking that he's full of shit that no one was trying to reach me. I get home and there is a message from some talent scout on my machine from Monday. At some point on either the Thursday (the one I couldn't talk) or Sunday (they apprently saw both) open mic they liked me and wanted and got my phone number from me. The thing is I don't remember giving my phone number to anyone on either night. Hi, I give my phone number out when I'm drunk. Well anyhoo pretty weird. I was making a joke on Sunday to the other comedians that they needed to bring it that "all the hard work pays off tonight when we step in front of those ten people and show them what we're made of, it all comes down to this". Since when did talent scouts and casting people watch open mics? Am I going to have to start giving a shit, the answer no of course cause I don't care if I get on TV I just want to see my daughter, have a job, do comedy, and eat pork like its the last day on earth hallelu.

want my phone number?

The Enforcer



"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson

Capsule preview Geoff vs. Weekend

Well my previous post disappeared, and it was freaking large. Dammit, I don't know what I did with it.

Ok well this won't be as lengthy, Friday I went out with Glott and his girly friend she also had a friend with her. Her friend was very cute I found her a little boring and she talked too much about the car dealership she worked at. I wasn't attracted to her but she was a cute very nice girl. Saturday I drank till late. Funny story I was with Joe Larson and we stop by his house and he goes in to grab a couple of beers, ok this is his parents place as well. I have to piss he says just piss in the pond that's where he goes. I start pissing and I'm pissing like there is a hose attached to my ass cause I can't stop. Now I realize he's gone and I don't think his parents know me and I just wonder what they would have thought if they woke up to find some strange dude pissing in their pond.

I did time on Sunday and I think the new stuff is headed in the right direction. Hooray that means doing comedy will be fun for awhile while I work the new stuff out.

I got sent the same link about a 2000 pound pig that may be the largest in the world that just died of heart failure in China. Man can you imagine the fine cutlets you'd get off that fat tasty behemoth. I find it funny that people were sending me that link. I just sat and looked at the fat fat pig and mentally masturbated to the fine pieces of meat that could have come from that beautiful beast.

I think I'm taking a little time off from comedy I want to do it but I am broker then a really fucking broke thing right now.

I don't give two shits,

The Enforcer


"I should have ended with my Jesus fucking a goat bit" -Peter Johnson